Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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