Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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