even my farts smell like vagina
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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