i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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