As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
