i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
