she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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