I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
