What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize