Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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