i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
