so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
