May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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