Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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