Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
