I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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