let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
