he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
