Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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