my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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