im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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