He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize