I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
