Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
