i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We got so high we made milksteak
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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