Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
