its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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