I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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