Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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