Small penises have feelings too.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
