Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
