So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
