You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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