what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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