So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
