Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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