It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
