He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
