pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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