My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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