she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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