I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
