I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
