hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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