Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
