so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
