I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
