1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
