you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
