Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
