I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
