If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I enjoy the company of your penis
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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