i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
