Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
