I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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