So drunk its hurt
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
