One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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