my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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