Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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