So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
