Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
