I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
