she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
