I want to stick my p in your. b.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
