I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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