He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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