we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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