She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
