similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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