you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
