In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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