I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
