Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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