You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
