Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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