i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
