I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
