Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm jealous of your bromance
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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