They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
