We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
