Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
