Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize