I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
