It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
