yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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