This is not my ceiling
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
